we're thinking of those we left back home
on growing out of the spaces I've left, change, and a new tattoo.
In my last piece, I wrote about my tattoos. The next day, I found my ideal artist, messaged her and a few days after, my appointment was booked. I originally imagined I wouldn’t be able to get an appointment until October, maybe mid-September (but that was pushing it) with how booked up all the other artists I know of are. But I guess it’s fitting that I got it right before my trip down to FL and my artist happened to be another FL transplant and a big music fan, hardcore specifically.
Here’s that long Instagram caption I wrote about it:
When i moved last year, one of the first things I did was send friends mix CDs in the mail. Someone at the post office seemed confused as to why I'd send a CD and not just make a playlist. I've been making mixes since I was at least 16 and they're one of my favorite things to do. Also when I moved, I was sad a lot and my mom would randomly send me care packages as a surprise once or twice a month. Still sending/getting a lot of mail as a way to feel closer to friends who I haven't seen in 6+ months. The flowers are for my mom, hydrangeas are her favorite (and one of the few flowers she's not allergic to). The line is from The Weak Days, a band I met & started listening to just two weeks before my move last year - "everything is tight, you deserve to hear / everything is tight, you deserve to be here" and left open ended as a reminder that things change & that is okay.
The eight-hour drive wasn’t too bad. I woke up just before 3am (originally planned for 4 or 5) and left soon after with the iced coffee I bought the night before. The 3am -11am drive is actually pretty ideal, seeing the sunrise over Georiga makes the 5ish hours it takes to get across the state plus the temperature change manageable. I also listened to music the full time instead of getting bored and trying to find a podcast episode like usual ( This American Life is my go-to).
I was in Gainesville, well 30 minutes away at my parent’s place, from March to the end of June but nothing really happened to me in that time. I drowned out all the days with Netflix marathons and random YouTube videos to get me through it and rarely listened to music or even left my room. A lot has changed for me since:
I started managing The Weak Days for their next release (there’ll be a whole piece on that process soon enough)
Started to enjoy cooking again
Joined the Nashville Community Fridge project volunteering — flyering and building the new website, specifically.
And dove back into music discovery.
“I've been gone for a while,
Been traveling alone,
Searching for a new life
When I already had my own.”
I listened to a lot of old bands I used to love toward the end of my drive — Go Radio, Mayday Parade, State Champs, etc. But a few weeks back when my power went out, I sat on my floor and listened to some albums that are on my laptop, The Maine’s Black & White being one of them. Back in 2011, one of their shirts was the first band shirt I ever ordered online and listening to that album got me back into reflecting on the past again. I spent so much time doing that last week that I had to tell myself to shift out of that mindset of cycling through the same thoughts and be kinder to myself. Until I started writing this piece, I thought the line was “… fears we left back home” and not “those we left back home.”
Gainesville feels like a different place entirely. I hadn’t been in downtown since Fest and all the overpriced high-rise apartments look like they should be in some large, far away city. The city looks foreign to me but I guess that’s what happens when you leave and I’m glad I did. My close friends are still in town, either working, finishing school or planning their own move. But our conversations are reflective of growth now - the way we feel, the puzzle pieces of our past that color in each other’s pictures, and thanking each other for the support we offered in the past, whether we knew of the impact at the time or not. It feels good. Before coming back into town, I was anxious (hence not being able to sleep) thinking about the past but it’s been comforting to talk about it with the people who were there and process it all.
Now I know for sure that moving was the right choice and my apartment in Nashville feels more like home than anywhere else. I’m sure I’ll come back down for Fest in the future and weekend trips to see my friends & parents but will one day just be a place that holds distant memories.
It also brings me back to another line by The Maine and long time favorite — “We'll find peace while other change and I know you're somewhere close behind me.”
I am a Big Music Fan and excessive playlister. If you want to throw any funds my way, they’ll be donated to the Nashville Free Store (open every Saturday from 12pm-6pm CT) & Nashville Community Fridge (always open & regularly stocked) located at Drkmttr (the city’s only all-ages venue) here in, you guessed it, Nashville.