where does the good go?
I'm not too sure but I think it's still here. on finding stillness, tattoos & identity.
What I’ve written about myself here obviously isn’t the most important thing right now but it’s nice to use this space to clear my head. First off, if you have the means please consider donating to:
Dallas Hope Charities in Memorium of Riley Gale of Power Trip as requested by his family.
It’s only Wednesday but this week has been a lot. I can’t remember the last time that a week wasn’t but here’s some stuff I did to feel better:
Used the “focus mode” on my phone to turn off all apps besides Spotify, my phone’s music player, Google Maps and Soundcloud (seriously, listen to the Barely Civil record when it comes out next week) - I keep focus mode on from when I wake up to after my daily work meeting at 9am. I’m thinking of pushing that to being on til noon.
Used Twitter’s mute option for a variety of words/reasons, I love discussion and talking to friends but I also need peace of mind.
Went on 30 minute walks at the local park before work every morning - I exist on east coast time due to work even though I live in central time and get to see the sunrise. Plus, it motivates me to get out of bed.
After the other album focused pieces I’ve written, I’ve been thinking about the tattoos I want & the ones I already have. The serve as a permanent reminder of how I’ve grown and one of the biggest aspects is figuring out my identity. So here they are.
Remember When - John Allison Weiss
It’s not up on streaming so I won’t link to it but this was the first tattoo I got one month after I turned 18. My mom wouldn’t let me get it unless my dad came with me and he was glad to. He has a few of his own and was surprised when I had no reaction to getting tattooed. I’m pretty sure I just scrolled through whatever was happening on Twitter/Tumblr at that time.
This one and my T&S tattoo (below) share a similar story, two artists I got into at roughly the same time in August when I was 17. I had met a girl who was openly gay at a summer camp I went to (I was supposed to learn about the government and judicial process but learned more about myself) and meeting her led me to finally facing a lot of my repressed feelings that I tried my best to avoid from the age of about 12 or 13. I liked her and for once, I accepted that. I also came out to my mom at the lobby of a hotel the same day my parents picked me up from that camp and later to my dad.
I found both artists after combing through online lists of LGBTQ+ musicians and Remember When really stuck with me. Weiss was leaving their label at the time so I bought every CD within that same week. Sometime later that year, they did online streams where for $5 or so you could get something like a guitar pick or setlist. I mentioned getting the album cover tattooed and in addition to a guitar pick, they surprised me by sending me a wall flag (proudly hanging in my dining area), “Remember When” written out 10 different ways and a setlist from that show with the date, May 11, 2016, written in red and an arrow saying “sorry for the coffee stain” next to the song Call If Off ( T&S cover) in the setlist. I got tattooed on a Sunday, that surprise package came that Monday. I waited til March the following year to get “Remember When” added to it. The paper had sat in my car for a while and I got it done before I went to a local show that night. It was a spontaneous walk in appointment and I was wearing jeans. I went to Flashbacks, the thrift store where I discovered Rilo Kiley, and bought a pair of ill-fitting shorts that I got rid of weeks later. That was also the day I met my friend J. It’s a nice memory.
Black & White Flower
There isn’t much to this one. It’s Friday the 13th flash piece I got in 2017 I think. My sister picked me up from my college campus and we went together. She got a moon on her knee while I got this one. She immediately took me back to campus afterwards and I managed to get to my journalism class right as attendance was being taken. She moved to England last year so I guess it has more meaning now. She dropped me off at the Orlando airport after Fest in Novemeber and I haven’t seen her in person since. I was supposed to visit her this summer but with how things are going, I don’t know if next year will even be a possibility. I try not to dwell on it too much.
Insignificant Other - “Prms”
This one’s another from 2017, spring I believe. I already wrote a piece about Insiggy that you can read here if you want to know that band’s importance to me. When these demos came out, I listened to them daily and Prms really stuck out to me - using art for comfort and finding ways to support others during difficult times. It’s also another spontaneous walk-in piece. I got it done before a show while a friend of mine told me the story of how they had just seen their favorite band, Radiohead, in Miami the night before. It didn’t hurt as much as I expected it to. I tried taking a photo of this rib tattoo but that’s difficult so here’s the piece of paper it’s written on instead. It’s in Sim’s handwriting.
I got this one last August a few weeks after I moved. It’s also the reason why I waited until October to finally buy a couch because I decide to make spontaneous decisions instead of practical ones sometimes. It’s easily my favorite. I usually get tattooed at whatever time feels right and this one felt like closing those old chapters from living in Gainesville. I showed my artist the album cover and he made it into a traditional style to fit with my other tattoos and curves in place with them. It reminds me of that summer in 2016, old friendships and the ability to make mends and change. It also reminds me of those first, all-encompassing crushes and how I’ll always find solace in old records.
Sunset & Palm Tree
This is my most recent. I got it on the last day of Fest last year. Every year, Anthem Tattoo does a huge flashsheet and this was on the bottom right. I made sure to wake up early that Sunday and got to the shop just as people were starting to get there. I was fine with any artist and the one who ended up doing my tattoo was in town working at the shop for the weekend. After he did it, he looked down and said “I can retire now” and showed me how the colors all blend together. I asked him if he was serious and he said yes. He hasn’t but I’m glad to carry this proud piece of his work on me forever. No matter where I end up living, it’ll always remind me of that weekend and all the memories I’ve made through Fest. Kat took that photo on her porch after I got it done, it’s one of my favorite spots in town and feels like home.
I’ve got an idea in mind for my next one but I can’t be spontaneous like I used to. If I could be, I would’ve gotten it done last week. But I’m sure I’ll get it when the time feels right.
I am a Big Music Fan and excessive playlister. If you want to throw any funds my way, they’ll be donated to the Nashville Free Store (open every Saturday from 10am-4pm CT) & Nashville Community Fridge (always open & regularly stocked) located at Drkmttr (the city’s only all-ages venue) here in, you guessed it, Nashville.